Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
