Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
