I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Please, let me fuck your mom
I bet he comes in French.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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