Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
