there was a trapeze. enough said
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
