Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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