she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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