she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
