Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
