The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
