erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
