I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
