You're so nebulous sometimes
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
