you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
