you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize