I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Buhtt sex?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
