I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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