At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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