I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
pray to the hookup gods
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
