i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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