whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The beer is more important than you right now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
