Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
