i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
