carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
