Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
