Ambien. No doubt about it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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