I want to have your abortion
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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