i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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