walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
