I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
