fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize