Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So squirting runs in the family.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
