Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
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