I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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