I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
