you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
