Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am one with the molecules
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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