girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
