So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
