The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
