i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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