the condom got lost in my hair
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
