Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
