Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
