If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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