do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
