i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
