is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
