are you still at the devil's house?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
