i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
