Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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