dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
