Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
