**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
