Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
