Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
