I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
