You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
