i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
