theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
