He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
