i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
