Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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