So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
