I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
