are you still at the devil's house?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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