I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
