I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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