We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
