GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
