Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she looked like the before picture.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want her autograph on my taint
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
