i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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