Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  someone threw a dead crab at me

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  (805): someone threw a dead crab at me http://tfl.nu/za5q
  Replies (4) Good night (835) Bad night (1187)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.

  (1-914): View more from New York

  maybe it's her son

  (914): View more from New York

  thats not any better.

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  (914): This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out. (1-914): maybe it's her son (914): thats not any better. http://tfl.nu/9ktq
  Replies (23) Good night (594) Bad night (3117)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?

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  (203): I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon? http://tfl.nu/6yeo
  Replies (34) Good night (4572) Bad night (2511)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."

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  (330): Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy." http://tfl.nu/8mx4
  Replies (15) Good night (3627) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"

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  (516): i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth" http://tfl.nu/n9fj
  Replies (44) Good night (1072) Bad night (6924)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.

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  (607): I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better. http://tfl.nu/5tpe
  Replies (18) Good night (4414) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle

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  (416): that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle http://tfl.nu/ax2q
  Replies (11) Good night (1360) Bad night (4790)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

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  (443): Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon http://tfl.nu/pfsh
  Replies (18) Good night (4648) Bad night (1440)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.

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  (509): I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore. http://tfl.nu/24ew
  Replies (10) Good night (1052) Bad night (2123)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?

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  (707): You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis? http://tfl.nu/earc
  Replies (7) Good night (2149) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night

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  (614): Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night http://tfl.nu/qw5j
  Replies (3) Good night (700) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories

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  (719): No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories http://tfl.nu/o049
  Replies (0) Good night (570) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.

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  (202): He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left. http://tfl.nu/yd2u
  Replies (8) Good night (357) Bad night (1265)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.

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  (479): Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success. http://tfl.nu/y7jz
  Replies (4) Good night (2480) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.

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  (860): I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store. http://tfl.nu/502t
  Replies (10) Good night (374) Bad night (696)

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