Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack