Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"

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(631): View more from New York

I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(614): View more from Ohio

just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.

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(587): View more from Alberta

Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.

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(739): View more from

The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.

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(816): View more from Missouri

You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I'm eating pizza in the bathtub

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