i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub