When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.