you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.