The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?