I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.