Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned

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  (810): I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned http://tfl.nu/gdtw
  Replies (2) Good night (1288) Bad night (614)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?

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  (917): Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties? http://tfl.nu/8a9h
  Replies (283) Good night (1353) Bad night (13581)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents

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  (904): i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents http://tfl.nu/zd1e
  Replies (60) Good night (1632) Bad night (4762)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.

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  (301): did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right. http://tfl.nu/lg5g
  Replies (14) Good night (6678) Bad night (1251)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.

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  (407): I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist. http://tfl.nu/erea
  Replies (11) Good night (3832) Bad night (858)
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  (562): View more from California

  I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.

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  (562): I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/qbx3
  Replies (10) Good night (3553) Bad night (874)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!

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  (206): AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN! http://tfl.nu/o93p
  Replies (4) Good night (983) Bad night (1671)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.

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  (913): He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka. http://tfl.nu/wfce
  Replies (5) Good night (1139) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students

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  (907): She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students http://tfl.nu/c30c
  Replies (5) Good night (1390) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods

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  (419): Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods http://tfl.nu/bin2
  Replies (4) Good night (1049) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.

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  (401): I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car. http://tfl.nu/oyb7
  Replies (3) Good night (322) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.

  (971): View more from Oregon

  YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.

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  (574): IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH. (971): YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH. (574): NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE. http://tfl.nu/j0cd
  Replies (4) Good night (988) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.

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  (303): I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b. http://tfl.nu/ab5o
  Replies (9) Good night (479) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'

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  (615): Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid' http://tfl.nu/cmth
  Replies (6) Good night (628) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink

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  (307): We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink http://tfl.nu/q4ce
  Replies (0) Good night (647) Bad night (262)

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