She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
