I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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