we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
