I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
