Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
