you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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