dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
